The Elusive Search for Home: A Decade of Moves and Self-Discovery
My husband and I have spent the past decade moving from one place to another, searching for a spot that truly felt like home. It’s been a journey marked by excitement, disappointment, and ultimately, self-discovery. With the freedom to live anywhere in the United States due to our careers, we’ve had the luxury of exploration but also the challenge of commitment. Our story is one of restlessness, seeking adventure, and finally finding clarity in the realization that home is not just a place but a mindset.
When we first left Atlanta, Georgia, in 2014, bound for Denver, Colorado, we were newly married and in our mid-20s, brimming with the energy of a new chapter. Denver was everything we wanted—beautiful, adventurous, and full of possibilities. We spent our days hiking, camping, and soaking in the breathtaking beauty of the West. It was exhilarating, and we felt more alive than ever before. But as the months went by, the novelty began to fade, and we found ourselves longing for the comfort and familiarity of Atlanta. So, in 2016, we made the impulsive decision to move back, only to realize almost immediately that we’d made a mistake. The freedom and adventure we’d experienced in Denver were irreplaceable, and we couldn’t stay away for long. Less than a year later, we were back in Denver, reigniting our love affair with the city.
The Restless Years: A Series of Moves and Missteps
Our journey didn’t end in Denver. After returning, we welcomed our daughter, and the stakes for finding the perfect home grew higher. We envisioned raising her in an idyllic mountain setting but quickly learned that our budget didn’t match our aspirations. So, we settled for what we hoped would be the next best thing—a smaller city in a mountainous state. From Denver, we moved to Fort Collins, Colorado, in 2019, only to feel unfulfilled. We then relocated to Bend, Oregon, in 2020, chasing closer access to the mountains, but that too didn’t feel right. By 2021, we were back in Fort Collins, a place that hadn’t clicked the first time. This pattern of moving, discontent, and moving again became a wake-up call.
It wasn’t until we paused to reflect that we uncovered some hard truths. First, we realized that both of us have ADHD, which explains our constant craving for change and our tendency to overlook the lessons of the past. Second, we acknowledged that we had put too much pressure on creating the perfect childhood for our daughter, believing that the right place would somehow guarantee her happiness. But we also learned that no place, no matter how ideal, could provide lasting contentment. Novelty fades, and building a life requires effort and commitment.
Clarity and Commitment: Finding Home Within
This period of introspection marked a turning point for us. Through therapy and personal development, we began to heal and find the contentment we had been seeking in external places. We realized that our presence as parents mattered far more to our daughter than the location of our home. Instead of constantly searching for greener pastures, we decided to focus on nurturing the ground we stood on. We chose to stay in Fort Collins, a city that met our basic needs—employment opportunities, housing, amenities, and recreation—and committed to making it feel like home.
Today, we’ve embraced a new mindset. While we still cherish our adventurous spirits, we’ve learned to satisfy our wanderlust through travel and local exploration rather than relentless moving. We’ve come to understand that building a life takes time and effort. We’re no longer chasing the idea of a perfect place but instead are cultivating a sense of community and belonging where we are. For the first time in years, we feel the stability and peace that come with calling a place home.
The Power of Presence: Raising a Family with Intention
Becoming parents forced us to reevaluate our priorities and recognize the importance of consistency and love in our daughter’s life. We’ve let go of the fantasy of creating a perfect childhood and instead focus on building a supportive, loving environment wherever we are. Our journey has taught us that the search for home is less about geography and more about the connections we make and the life we choose to live.
In the end, we’ve discovered that true contentment comes from within. By doing the internal work and committing to our current home, we’ve found the healing and fulfillment we once thought only a perfect place could provide. Fort Collins isn’t perfect, but it’s ours. We’re watering the grass in our own backyard—nurturing relationships, building traditions, and creating memories—and finding joy in the process. This is what home feels like now.
