A Strict Beginnings: The Early Days of Bedtime
Once upon a time, bedtime in our house was not just a routine—it was a strictly enforced, non-negotiable ritual. It involved a bath, a book, and then lights out at 7 p.m. sharp. No exceptions, no delays, no arguments. Heaven help anyone who dared to disrupt this sacred sequence. With three children under the age of three, our lives revolved around this routine. It wasn’t just about the kids’ sleep; it was about survival. As a mom, I needed those early bedtimes to carve out some time for myself before I collapsed into bed, exhausted from the chaos of the day. For years, our entire household operated like a well-oiled machine, with bedtime as the cornerstone of our daily schedule.
The Shift: From Control to Freedom
Fast forward to today, and things look very different. My children are now 15, 15, and 12, and the dynamics have flipped on their head. I’m the one heading to bed early, often before the kids, with my own bedtime routine still involving a book (though these days it’s more about fantasy novels like Fourth Wing than children’s stories like Zog). The kids, on the other hand, have been given the freedom to decide their own bedtimes. Some nights, they choose to go to bed at a reasonable hour, while other nights, they push their limits and wake up the next morning regretting their decisions. But that’s all part of the learning process. I figure they need to figure out for themselves how much sleep they need, and they’re doing that through trial and error. After all, I had that freedom when I was a kid, and it worked out fine—mostly. So, I’m happy to let them manage their own sleep routines, within reason. I still check in on them as I head to bed, remind them it’s getting late, and suggest they put down their laptops, iPads, or turn off the TV. But I no longer stand over them enforcing lights out. That is, unless I wake up at midnight and catch someone still on an iPad on a school night. Then it’s game over. No questions. (I still have some boundaries!)
The Weekend Flexibility
Weekends, however, are a different story. There are nights when they feel they absolutely have to stay up late to unlock some special feature on Roblox or finish a critical gaming session. We’ve developed a system for these occasions—it involves having an open conversation about it (no sneaking around). If it’s a Friday night, they can stay up as late as they want. If it’s a Saturday, they can stay up, but there’s a catch: they can’t nap the next day, and they have to be in bed early Sunday night to be ready for school. The deal is, their lack of sleep over the weekend can’t interfere with our Monday morning routine. It’s a compromise that works for all of us.
The Mixed Bag: How It’s Going So Far
So far, our experience with a relaxed bedtime routine has been a mixed bag. Some nights, the kids crash early and wake up refreshed and ready to go. Other nights, they drag themselves out of bed the next morning, bleary-eyed and grouchy, asking, “Why didn’t you make me go to sleep?” It’s part of the process. Growing up is all about learning from your mistakes, and sleep deprivation is a pretty effective teacher. Ironically, the child I expected to push boundaries the most is usually the first one in bed. I’ll go to remind him of something at 10 p.m., and there he is, already snuggled up and fast asleep. Meanwhile, the one who usually follows the rules is in the kitchen making cheese on toast at 11 p.m. Life is full of surprises.
The Parent’s Perspective: Balancing Guidance and Independence
As their mom, I don’t feel like it’s my job to dictate every detail of their lives anymore. Don’t get me wrong—I still advise, influence, and encourage them. I remind them of the consequences of staying up too late and the importance of getting enough sleep. But ultimately, I’m here to support them as they make their own choices, whether they turn out to be good or bad. Sleep is just one of the many areas where they’re learning to take responsibility for themselves. And honestly? It’s freeing. After a decade of broken sleep and bedtime battles, I’m finally off duty. Now, I get to focus on my own sleep—and my own reading list.
The Final Chapter: Closing Thoughts on Sleep and Parenting
These days, I’m savoring the fact that I control my own sleep. After years of surviving on fumes during the chaotic days of raising toddlers and babies, I’m more than making up for it now. The kids can figure out their own routines—I’ve done my time. And as I sit here, thinking about what to read next now that I’ve finished Onyx Storm, I’m reminded that parenting is full of phases. Some are harder than others, but they all come to an end. And while it’s bittersweet to think about how fast they’ve grown, I’m proud to see them learning and growing into their own selves—one late night at a time.
